The Desperately Needed Gift of Discipline

My wife forwarded me a post from Facebook that caught my attention because it spoke to something of great interest to me as both a professional educator and as a member of my local church’s children’s ministry.  The post is by Marilyn Wedge Ph.D. and is entitled: “Why French Kids Don’t have ADHD: French children don’t need medications to control their behavior.”  In the article Dr. Wedge cites this absolutely staggering statistic: “In the United States, at least 9 percent of school-aged children have been diagnosed with ADHD, and are taking pharmaceutical medications. In France, the percentage of kids diagnosed and medicated for ADHD is less than .5 percent.”  She asks how the “epidemic” of ADHD seems to have bypassed the entire country of France while it holds our own in its heavily medicated iron fist?  Then, she answers this query most saliently:

"And then, of course, there are the vastly different philosophies of child-rearing in the U.S. and France. These divergent philosophies could account for why French children are generally better-behaved than their American counterparts…French parents have a different philosphy of discipline. Consistently enforced limits, in the French view, make children feel safe and secure. Clear limits, they believe, actually make a child feel happier and safer—something that is congruent with my own experience as both a therapist and a parent. Finally, French parents believe that hearing the word 'no' rescues children from the 'tyranny of their own desires.' And spanking, when used judiciously, is not considered child abuse in France."

    

As someone who has observed and mediated the behavior of children professionally for over a decade it often seems that poor behavior among children and lack of discipline have become increasingly commonplace.  Sadly, this is just as true among believers as it is among those who do not claim to know and follow Christ.  While the causes for this phenomenon are no doubt varied and complex, I think it is largely attributable to a cultural sea change wherein discipline is seen as something that is necessarily negative and spanking is all but verboten!  Clearly defined limits with consistently applied consequences for transgressions of those limits is seen as passé and overly authoritarian.  This “antiquated” style of discipline has been replaced with parent-child parity where parental authority has been eroded to the point of non-existence.  Thus, parents engage in endless negotiations with their children akin to the haggling that takes place at the local flea market.  To do anything less than be persistently positive and offer children endless alternatives rather than simply saying “No!” is seen as an emotionally scarring trauma upon a child’s delicate self-esteem.

This clash is perfectly captured in the movie Parental Guidance, starring Billy Crystal.  Crystal’s character, Artie Decker, is watching his grandchildren and is on the verge of spanking his incessantly misbehaving grandson, in front of an audience no less, when he exclaims in utter frustration: “I'm sorry! I can't take this anymore! This whole ‘teachable moments’ of protecting their self-esteem and nobody gets punished and every game ends in a tie! All I hear is ‘Use your words. Use your words,’ but the word they never use with the kids is ‘No!’”

This begs the question: what is Biblical discipline and what does it look like in practicality?  Obviously, this is a topic far too broad to be the subject of a single blog post.  However, allow me to offer a few points on discipline that are firmly rooted in Scripture.  The Holman Bible Dictionary defines discipline this way:

Discipline comes from a Latin word “disco” which means to learn or get to know, a direct kind of acquaintance with something or someone. Discipline refers to the process by which one learns a way of life. A disciple was like an apprentice who was learning a trade or craft from a master. Such learning required a relationship between the master who knew the way of life (discipline) and a learner (a disciple). Within this relationship, the master led a learner through a process (the discipline) until the learner could imitate or live like the master.

Thus, discipline is not a punitive form of retribution against a child, but rather a positive tool to help them learn the correct way to live.  Indeed, Scripture makes this quite clear: “My child, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for they will provide a long and full life, and they will add well-being to you… My child, do not despise discipline from the Lord, and do not loathe his rebuke.  For the Lord disciplines those he loves, just as a father disciplines the son in whom he delights (Proverbs 3:1-2, 11-12).” 

Moreover, while our culture tends to view discipline negatively or even as a form of abuse, especially corporal punishment, the Bible makes it clear that the withholding of discipline is far more negative.  “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24).”  Proverbs 23:13 even speaks of discipline as a positive benefit which a parent should not fail to give their child, like food or clothing: “Don't fail to discipline your children. They won't die if you spank them.”  Discipline is like the handrails on the stairs of life that keep us from falling and injuring ourselves.  Discipline is like the rails that keep a train on the right track and keep it from a terrible derailment.  Discipline, as the French would say, saves us from the “tyranny of [our] own desires."  The boundaries provided by discipline allow us to enjoy all that they contain without venturing out into the thorns, brambles and ditches of poor choices and over indulgence of self.  Thus, I have finally found something else that I agree with the French about, in addition to the French fry and the Statue of Liberty.  So you’ll pardon my French as I proclaim: “Vive la discipline!”